Great Expectations

After a review session for an upcoming Japanese final my freshman year of college, three classmates and I decided to blow off some steam at the rope swing. Basically, you'd climb up a tree, swing out on the rope and jump into the Connecticut River. For obvious reasons, the rope swing no longer exists.

As we cheered each other on, we borrowed (and butchered) a Japanese expression: hazu. As we understood it, hazu had a strong meaning. If you said something was hazu, it meant that that thing was so expected that it was almost as if it had already been accomplished. "You're hazu there" we cried, and just as expected, we each took our turns despite any fears we may have harbored.

My return to Bikram this past week has me thinking about hazu. When I took my first Bikram class in over two years just a week and half ago, it was great. Only after class was over did it strike me that it had gone better that it ever had before. I credited my newfound ability to get into certain postures not only with increased fitness, but also with the fact that I had simply forgotten what I had been unable to do before. I had forgotten my mental blocks.

Perhaps not surprisingly, in remembering my former demons, I resuscitated them. I remembered that certain poses, Padangustasana (toe stand) and Ustrasana (camel), in particular, make me truly anxious. Getting into toe stand requires falling forward and camel requires bending backwards in a position that leaves the front of your body very vulnerable.

It would be one thing if I couldn't accomplish these postures, but I know I can do them (maybe not well, but still). I did them not even two weeks ago. This week, though, my old habits resurfaced. I allowed myself to panic and, ultimately, fail.

It may be easier said than done, but if I'm going to get this right, I need to stop hazuing failure and expect success.

I'll keep you posted.

-Gym Belle-